Today is my birthday. My 32nd one. I both can't believe the number and and feel like I haven't lived enough. People I thought didn't care wished me happy birthday, people who I thought would be the first to wish were not.

I have had some recruiters reach out to me for job leads but no follow up after the initial email. I'm scared but I see that even in this "free" time I don't necessarily have to make myself miserable. I could take a class that would give me another skill set for my resume, and I really want to be around dogs. But shelters don't let you just sit and pet dogs, they want you just get trained and pick up their poop/pee and walk them. So I'm trying to see if I can call a shelter and maybe they'll me "hang out" with a dog for like 30 mins or an hour and ill walk/feed it also. But the thing is, I can do some things in the meantime that fill my life. I saw this movie "The intern" where this 70-year old widowed guy who's retired tries to be positive and fills his day with many things. He does tai chi, learns to cook, knit, reads, wakes up everyday and goes to the coffee shop and reads the paper but still wants to do more so one day at the grocery store he sees a flier for "Senior Intern program" for a start up. And so he applies, gets selected and ends up beings designated as the owner's intern. His can-do attitude makes him her right-hand man. He meets a woman at the company and finds love again. He does all of it. All because he didn't despair and just give up. I want to be like that.

My mother texts me random things that give me anxiety and so I told her "You cannot text me random things like this with no explanation. Not ever. It doesn't help me." She said ok. I felt fear and some weird guilt in saying that to her but I had to. And she seemed ok with it.
I keep to my commitment of working out and journaling and coming in everyday.