YOUR SOUL did not give up.  YOUR SOUL kept fighting for her life. Can you see and feel this?  Here is where the compassion MUST emerge.  The compassion for the young child who couldn't fight her mother.  Who didn't have a father to protect you.  She grew up, split, numb and afraid of everything.  But she survived.  What is the long term choice of her survival choice?  What did she have to believe about herself in order to stay alive? What is the lie in this choice now?

How did the little girl survive?  What is her secret around her survival, the shame of how she survived?

The shame that she had no control?  What is her story around all of this?  How does she see herself, see YOU as the adult you became.

The child is making choices though.  She did not collapse in this mind control. She felt the pain and still made another choice.  

This an amazing courageous act.  Can you feel this?  

I think I am in between somewhere between recognizing,  accepting what happened and finding softness and compassion that it did. And then moving. I am on that precipice. Yes, I recognize that I fought against the bonds like Jessica did. She is STILL fighting her mind-controller and the mind control itself. I am too. I have begun to recognize the devil/angel game my mother and father played with me. 

The little girl survived by turning inward, and shut out the world because it hurt too much. She had to believe she was a soldier, stone and tough. To counter what any rape victim believes, that she should have won but she was powerless against the torrent. The OCD to pretend that safety existed in those small routines. And then the shame that the trauma has left a big hole, a wound in her center. Everything revolves around this wound. She sees herself as her mother saw her. And she is struggling against the past, trying not to let it destroy the present and future but the more she struggles against the bond, the stickier they become and then it all jumbles together. The grief turns to rage and then she collapses, spent. But she still struggles in her collapse. Her knees hurt, but she gets up everyday still. For that I give her credit. In this way she is unlike her mother. That is courage, yes. I'm still pushing, even with the pain. Searching.